


Charlie Smith is Not Okay

by orphan_account



Series: Class Appreciation Week 2017 [4]
Category: Class (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 13:42:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9609944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Charlie doesn't know how he's supposed to keep living. Matteusz helps.Written for Class Appreciation Week – Day Four: Favourite Theme!





	

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn’t stop thinking about what Charlie says at the end of the final episode. It’s obvious that he isn’t okay, so here’s my take on how he deals with that.

Charlie didn’t think that Matteusz noticed when, every night without fail, he would climb out of their bed, often having to untangle himself from Matteusz’s arms, and quietly make his way out of their room…Matteusz did notice.

For the first couple of nights, he’d let him be, giving him the space he needed to deal with all that he was going through; after all, how could Matteusz be expected to comfort somebody whose entire race was gone, whose blood was on their hands? He’d keep his breaths even and his eyes closed, but he would listen out for the quiet footsteps that told of Charlie’s return, and would ensure that, once he’d climbed back under the covers, he wrapped his arms around the smaller boy and hugged him as close to his chest as possible. That was all that he could do, reassure Charlie that he was there and that he loved him, but never let him know that he was doing it consciously, lest he be pushed away.

Because, to Charlie, he didn’t deserve Matteusz’s continued affection, but with his mind hazy from crying and worn out from sleep deprivation, he selfishly allowed himself these small moments of quiet and love, and Matteusz was secretly eternally grateful that he wasn’t entirely lost.

On one particularly bad night, Charlie had been gone for longer than usual, and Matteusz grew concerned as Charlie’s side of the bed grew colder and colder. He opened his eyes and glanced at the clock, the panic setting in when the numbers displayed were 02:12 – Charlie was always back in his arms before 2a.m.

Eventually, Matteusz had given in, and gotten out of bed, walking to the bathroom and softly knocking on the door before pushing his way inside. His heart broke in two at the sight before him. Charlie was crouched in the corner of the room, his bare feet glowing red against the white tiles, and his knees tucked tightly up to his pounding chest. His breaths came unevenly and his face was tear-stained. Upon seeing Matteusz, he whimpered and scrambled backwards until he was pressed up against the wall. Matteusz moved slowly, so as not to startle him, kneeling in front of his boyfriend.

“They’re gone,” Charlie sobbed, face buried in his shaking hands, “they’re all…gone. All my people!”

“No,” Matteusz said, shaking his head gently, cupping Charlie’s chin with one hand as he laced the other with Charlie’s, placing it over the boy’s heart, “they are still here.”

With the hand supporting his head, Charlie had nowhere to look but Matteusz’s eyes, and he blinked up at him, trying to compose himself – trying not to show weakness – though failing as tears ran down his reddened cheeks. “I was so stupid,” he cried, hands balling in to fists and then relaxing, over and over again, “I thought…I thought I might be able to save them. It was just a children’s story,” he continued, voice cracking, “and I…I was stupid enough to believe it!”

“You had hope,” Matteusz sighed, feeling guilty that it was only now that he realised how much that hope had meant to Charlie.

“I shouldn’t have,” Charlie muttered, eyes watering, “It was a stupid thing to believe.”

“It will be okay, Charlie,” Matteusz whispered, hands falling back to his sides, feeling hopeless at the look of utter despair on his boyfriend’s face, “Not now, but it will be.”

“No, it won’t. It…” Charlie mumbled, eyes darting around the room now that he wasn’t being forced to make eye contact, “I…I killed them. I was their leader, and I…I killed them,” he stuttered, “I think…I think I’m going to be sick.”

“Oh, Charlie,” Matteusz sighed, helping him to shuffle over to the toilet, rubbing Charlie’s back comfortingly as emptied the contents of his stomach in to the porcelain bowl. They stayed like that for a few minutes, and Matteusz wondered how many nights like this Charlie had had to go through on his own.

“I’m sorry,” Charlie sniffled, wiping his mouth, and sitting back, “I’m pathetic. I…I’m no prince.” He went silent for a moment, before quietly adding, “I should be dead with my people.”

Matteusz shook his head, more powerfully this time, “No. You cannot leave me.” He was horrified at the thought of what Charlie would do if he, like all their friends, had abandoned him after what had happened, though they had all forced him in to doing it. Would he have hurt himself? Taken his own life? Matteusz found himself envious that their friends did not have to see what effect it had had on Charlie, using the Cabinet. They had all had to face loss: Tanya had been made an orphan with the death of her mother; Ram had lost his father, the one person outside of their small group that he had been able to tell about everything that he’d seen; and April, poor April, had woken up in a foreign body, effectively cutting her off from the rest of humanity. And though they couldn’t be judged too harshly, Matteusz was a little bitter that not one of them seemed to consider that perhaps Charlie had lost too. Matteusz sighed, trying to think of a way of expressing everything that he was thinking, “What you did was bad, yes? But you are not the only one to blame, Charlie. You will get through this.”

“I don’t think I can, Matteusz,” Charlie admitted sadly, and he didn’t resist when Matteusz pulled him in to a hug. It was scary how easy it was to move him. Matteusz knew that he wasn’t eating much, but he didn’t think it was this bad. Under the harsh light of the bathroom, his skin was almost translucent and his thin figure was evident. Matteusz, however, set those worries aside for another time, and focused on stroking one hand through Charlie’s hair as he rocked him soothingly.

“I will help you,” Matteusz whispered, glad that Charlie hadn’t moved to flee his touch, “I won’t leave you. We will get through this. You will be okay.” 

And he would, they both would, even if neither of them believed it at the time.

**Author's Note:**

> Why do I love seeing my gay alien son suffer?
> 
> Comments, kudos, and criticism are appreciated greatly!


End file.
